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Do Christians really believe that “love your enemies” justifies domestic abuse?

  Reflecting on “Love Your Enemies” When I was sitting in church today, I was reading over a passage mentioned by the pastor, the famous “love your enemies” passage. This passage is included in Matthew 5-7 in Jesus’s sermon on the mount. Although the pastor only referenced this phrase, I reread the section that describes the kind of love that Jesus expects from his disciples: “38 You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you not to resist an evil person. If someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also; 40 if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well; 41 and if someone forces you to go one mile go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. 43 You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor'6-it and ‘Hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,s 45 that you may be...
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Why do Christians relish in the pain of the accused?

"In a way Im glad all this is happening, Lord bless her. She'll finally realize how wrong she was to walk away from God."   "Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom because he knows that's the only thing that will get you to change."  "I hope it gets bad enough that he finally realizes he needs Jesus."  Do any of these statements feel familiar?  It's what I grew up believing about God.  I grew up thinking that punishment was God's way of bringing us back to him. I thought he would do anything—no matter how cruel, to bring me back.  And because of this, I'd see a disaster or a calamity happen in the life of someone who had "slighted" God, and I'd feel happy. "Finally, they'll see how WRONG they were! Finally they'll be broken enough to come back into the church." The problem was that a lot of times, the people wouldn't change. "Too rebellious I guess. I hope their bad decisions lead to even more ru...
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Did Christian parents invent a new religion to protect cultural norms?

 “Motherhood is the highest calling of a woman.”  “Parents are supposed to be the king and queen ruling over the household.”  “Parenthood is a battlefield.”  “The stress of parenting is meant to point you to how much you need Jesus.”  “Having as many kids as possible proves that you are trusting Jesus.”  Have you heard any of these before?  These are not to spread condemnation, but I wonder if we as culture had to invent new rules to a new religion to protect the cultural value that permeates every aspect of American life: rugged individualism.  Devoid of extended family, friends, neighbors, church, or society, moms and dads have no one else to rely on but each other. The only way this fantasy was going to work was if dad made the money while mom took on all the household responsibilities, and the childcare, and all family relationships, and everything else, alone.  Christian parents don’t believe that it takes a village to raise a child—it o...
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Is writing this blog really the best use of my time?

It’s 11:45pm and we just got back from a family trip. Both kids are asleep and I’m pretty tired. I need to get to bed I think so I can be rested to take care of the kids tomorrow.  If I’m not going to sleep, I should at least be doing something useful and holy, like cleaning the kitchen, right? Except here’s the thing: I don’t want to go to sleep, and I don’t want to clean. I want to write. Is that really the best use of my time?  Sleep is important. Taking care of kids is important. Cleaning is important(ish). Processing my thoughts and reflecting on my life often feels like a distant luxury rather than a necessity. There are so many things that feel more pressing in order to be a “good wife” or a “good mom.” I didn’t reflect on my day, decisions, motivations, or behavior, but I got the dishes done and the living room cleaned. I didn’t fail at motherhood today!  Why is motherhood associated with a flurry of activity to the exclusion of reflection and self-understanding?...
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Why do we assume the worst in our kids?

My kids and I had just gotten home from a long morning at the doctor’s office, which is always tiring. On our way home we had stopped for a bubble tea as is our routine after the doctor’s and once we got home I started making lunch. My daughter kept saying “popsicle, I want popsicle.” I was tired, she’d just had tea, and I was not in the mood to get out more food before lunch. “ We’re not having a popsicle,” I said. “Eat your lunch.” She kept asking about it, and I was getting annoyed. I kept saying we weren’t having a popsicle, and that it was lunch time and we eat lunch at lunch time. She wasn’t giving up and neither was I. Then she said, “I want popsicle to go, pop, pop pop.” I realized she was in fact talking about popcorn, not a popsicle, and that I had indeed told her we could have popcorn with our lunch. She was reminding to do what I had told her I’d do. It was actually me who was in the wrong.  A lot of us parents have heard these narratives that can set us up for failure ...
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Is our whole parenting ethos based on 4 Bible verses?

 The Bible for parents:  "And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'” Genesis 1:28 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24  "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 (There are some additional discipline and rod verses from Proverbs.) "Spare the rod, spoil the child" (non-canonical verse)  "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1 What's missing, and does what's missing apply to parenting?  Is there a reason that the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus is skipped over in this "Bible"?  Does our conventional interpretation of these 4 verses support, challenge, or ...
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Why do we act like Pharisees towards our kids?

"[The scribes and Phariseees] tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger... Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves." Matthew 23:4,15 I think a lot of us Christian parents believe that it's our job to root out the sin in our kids' lives. Sometimes we go to great lengths to expose sin, such as creating rules to see if our kids will be obedient to them,  or probing the sinful intent behind every undesirable behavior. We believe that through a ritual of rule-setting, punishment, and penitence, our children are learning how to be more obedient to God. Some of us would stake our life, and our relationship with our child, on this ritual.  It's easy to identify with the Pharisees' pleasure in making sure the Jews we...
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