Why do we assume the worst in our kids?

My kids and I had just gotten home from a long morning at the doctor’s office, which is always tiring. On our way home we had stopped for a bubble tea as is our routine after the doctor’s and once we got home I started making lunch. My daughter kept saying “popsicle, I want popsicle.” I was tired, she’d just had tea, and I was not in the mood to get out more food before lunch. “ We’re not having a popsicle,” I said. “Eat your lunch.” She kept asking about it, and I was getting annoyed. I kept saying we weren’t having a popsicle, and that it was lunch time and we eat lunch at lunch time. She wasn’t giving up and neither was I.

Then she said, “I want popsicle to go, pop, pop pop.” I realized she was in fact talking about popcorn, not a popsicle, and that I had indeed told her we could have popcorn with our lunch. She was reminding to do what I had told her I’d do. It was actually me who was in the wrong. 

A lot of us parents have heard these narratives that can set us up for failure when interacting with our kids:

“Your kids are trying to test your boundaries.”

“Kids look for your weakness.” 

“Kids are waiting for you to crack.”

“It’s your will or hers.” 

“Don’t give in no matter what.”

Had I had a genuine interest in understanding my daughter, would I have been quicker to perceive her true meaning?

What if I had lashed out in anger (STOP ASKING ME ABOUT THE POPSICLE!)? Would I have then taken her crying as proof that she had been trying to manipulate me all along? (Look how far she’ll go to test my boundaries!)

What if my daughter attributed our miscommunication to bad intent on my part? (I.e., Mom purposefully lied to me. Mom’s sin nature is coming out. Mom is playing mind games on me.) Would I want her to do that to me?  

Do I excuse my own responses because of honest mistakes, and then assume the worst in my child? 

Im not saying that your child has never tried to test your boundaries. Im asking, do we have the humility to acknowledge that we don’t always know the whole story, and in the midst of uncertainty, do we have the charity to think the best in our children rather than the worst? 



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