Did Christian parents invent a new religion to protect cultural norms?

 “Motherhood is the highest calling of a woman.” 

“Parents are supposed to be the king and queen ruling over the household.” 

“Parenthood is a battlefield.” 

“The stress of parenting is meant to point you to how much you need Jesus.” 

“Having as many kids as possible proves that you are trusting Jesus.” 

Have you heard any of these before? 

These are not to spread condemnation, but I wonder if we as culture had to invent new rules to a new religion to protect the cultural value that permeates every aspect of American life: rugged individualism. 

Devoid of extended family, friends, neighbors, church, or society, moms and dads have no one else to rely on but each other. The only way this fantasy was going to work was if dad made the money while mom took on all the household responsibilities, and the childcare, and all family relationships, and everything else, alone. 

Christian parents don’t believe that it takes a village to raise a child—it only takes mom. In extreme cases this includes mothers assuming the role of doctor and home educator as well. 

There’s a degree of prideful martyrdom going on—a family held together by the glue that is the Proverbs 31 wife. A tower built with mom at the bottom. If she cracks, the whole family crumbles, so it’s necessary to make her believe that “being a mother is the highest calling of a woman” and that a mother’s lack of self is akin to Jesus’ self-sacrifice. 

The problem is that this is all based on pride, and I know this because I'v experienced it firsthand in my own desire to please others with my image. Im not casting blame because "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." I'm talking about myself.

If I accept that I need help, Im not the “ideal mother.” Im not all things to all people. I have flaws that prohibit me from being in the highest echelon of womanhood. 

One result of this is that I overly rely on my kids to behave well so that my secret doesn’t get out. If my kids are good, that is credited to me as righteousness within this new religion. If I can just control my kids behavior enough to keep the facade up, I can atone for my motherhood shortcomings. The expectations that have been put on me, I put on my kids to ease the burden. 

What if Christ-likeness is the highest calling of a woman? What if justification is by faith alone rather than by my kids’ behavior? What if living out the calling of Christ requires me to lay down the image of what I'd like to think of me? What if being like Christ does involve sacrifice—without the pride of “doing it all”? What if I need a babysitter? What if I need a therapist? What if I need real friends? What if I need time alone? What if my kids don’t need me in every capacity as much as this new religion and my pride would like me to believe? 

Or...what if they need me more in ways I'm less comfortable offering: emotional availability, patience and tenderness, seeing things from their point of view, help in the process of wise decision-making, modeling repentance, and access to people who can meet intellectual and emotional needs Ill never be able to meet in them on my own? 

Community takes vulnerability that we as parents are often reluctant to engage in. But when we are so isolated that we don’t have a community to be “knit together” with, when there is no one who can bear our burdens, we have to create a new religion with new laws to justify our situation. “I guess this is just how God created it to be. I guess this is just me suffering for Christ.” 

"And you [the Corinthian church] show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts."

The church is supposed to be the letter from Christ that recommends the truth of the gospel of Christ. 

Who authored the letter of this new religion, and what "gospel" is it recommending?

Let us return to preaching Christ in every aspect of our lives. "Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

And we with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." 

How can we as mothers—and a church—embody the ministry of the Spirit? "For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." What if I need a community that can support me as I do the hard work that is necessary for parenting? How can I help foster that community? And how can I be that for other parents? 

Mothers, your vulnerability and faith against all cultural norms preaches that there truly is "now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." We affirm this in an eternal sense—do we believe that this actually impacts the most day-to-day aspects of our lives?