Why do we act like Pharisees towards our kids?

"[The scribes and Phariseees] tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger... Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves." Matthew 23:4,15

I think a lot of us Christian parents believe that it's our job to root out the sin in our kids' lives. Sometimes we go to great lengths to expose sin, such as creating rules to see if our kids will be obedient to them,  or probing the sinful intent behind every undesirable behavior. We believe that through a ritual of rule-setting, punishment, and penitence, our children are learning how to be more obedient to God. Some of us would stake our life, and our relationship with our child, on this ritual. 

It's easy to identify with the Pharisees' pleasure in making sure the Jews were following their man-made laws. It feels good to believe my job is to focus on someone else's faults and sins that are way more apparent than my own.

Its easy to identify with the Pharisees' pride at being the God-given authority (Matt 23:2-6). It feels good to believe that as a parent I am the king of my family's kingdom with all the notions of power and authority that conjures.

It's easy to confuse my effort to proselytize my children for genuine humility.

Is this passage primarily about parenting? No. Is it about an attitude of arrogance and hypocrisy that is condemned by Jesus but touted in a lot of Christian parenting literature? I believe so.

Do we believe that we paid the price as a kid and it's now "our turn to be on top"? 

Does it feel good to finally have the control and ability to make the rules? 

Do we have higher behavioral standards for our kids than ourselves because we relish our God-given authority to make the rules? 

Do we think that picking at our children's faults makes them or us more righteous? 

Do we believe that the more effort we put in to managing their sin issues, the better they will turn out? 

Why do we act like Pharisees towards our kids? 



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